With Friends Like These

I continue to be reminded that the SoulSpace process can be applied to everything in our lives; not only our homes but our relationships, our finances, our bodies and our jobs.

And in the same way that I ask you to challenge yourself and deepen your relationship with the items in your home to assess, extract and cleanse you also need to do the same in those other areas as well.

I’d like to share a difficult but ultimately freeing experience that I had recently. I’m in a constant process of assessing all the areas of my life and understanding the choices I make and what those choices mean. As a result, I had to end two friendships. Maybe end isn’t even the right word — it was more of a release since the energy surrounding those relationships needed to be addressed and resolved if I could truly lay claim to living a life of integrity.

In the interest of leading by example, I’ll share some of what transpired.

The first friend we’ll call Betty. I’ve know her for a long time. Over the course of our friendship we had one major falling out over money. I loaned her a modest sum and she was not responsible in paying it back or even communicating terms of repayment that we could agree to.

A few months ago Betty asked if she could borrow money again. I was honest with her about the uneasiness I felt because of the previous experience. Nevertheless we decided to move forward. I loaned her the money and we made an agreement for a repayment schedule that was acceptable to both of us.  As of three weeks ago she hadn’t repaid the first installment or called me to renegotiate the schedule.

I awoke one morning feeling very disrespected and realized that it was time for me to move on in that friendship.  It was never really about the money. The amount was inconsequential and I would never miss it in my life. The point was that Betty was not even holding me in her mind, not attempting to call me to discuss missing the payment and honoring me for showing up for her again.

This is not a new issue in my life but it seems to be a completing one. In the preliminary steps of the SoulSpace process there are challenges that strike deep in order to underscore a particular lesson and finally get the point across.

I knew it was time for me to set a boundary with Betty and that sort of behavior in my life. I’m exhausted from dealing with people that feel entitled and are disrespectful. I want to part of those who want something from me other than just me; the love and person that I am. Entitlement and the behavior surrounding it has been in my life for far too long. I thought I’d cleared most of it out but I realized that aspects of it remained.

So it was time to say goodbye to Betty since she knew that this was a “hot button” issue for me. Money between friends can be a challenging thing but as long as the details are talked through and a workable plan is communicated it shouldn’t be that difficult.  It’s important to be clear on the “deal” that is made and both parties need to honor their commitment.

I couldn’t have been clearer with Betty and her silence was deafening.  She was not honoring her commitment. I sent her an email explaining how I was feeling and that it was time for me to take a break from our friendship.

The response back was unexpected. She basically called me out for “not having any compassion or understanding the situation she was in”. Her e-mail only underscored what I was feeling and validated the decision that I had made.

My heart was open with compassion for her situation on the day that she had called me to borrow the money — and I loaned it to her. On the day I needed to address the fact that she didn’t honor our agreement compassion was not required.

When people wonder why their lives aren’t working at the level that they want maybe it’s time to examine the relationships and situations that abound to see what needs to be “cleaned up” and taken care of. Maybe the universe won’t give us more until we handle what has already been sent our way – in love and with a grateful heart.

I don’t feel anger towards Betty. In fact, I’m thankful for the lesson. As I manifest greater self love and self respect the people and behaviors that don’t support my clarity of purpose become less and less.

I’m setting a boundary. Saying “no more”. I’m worthy of relationships that are truly “give and take”. I deserve to have people in my life with the level of consciousness to respect and love those around them by keeping their word.

Next time, I’ll tell you about the other friend.

But now I want to hear from you. Have you recently had to end a friendship? Was it time for you to reassert yourself and get back the respect you deserve?

Tell me about it. Leave a comment on this blog, or Facebook or Twitter.

Next time I’ll share some thoughts on your postings to assist you in achieving clarity and show you how this will help to create the home and life you deserve.

Yours in friendship,

XB