Taking It To The Mat

Last month I visited my hometown in Michigan for my nephew’s graduation.  It was a valuable reminder of the importance of family.

One thing I wanted to share about the trip was an amazing experience I had “on the yoga mat” while I was there.  The yoga class I took in Michigan was one of the most intense I’ve ever had.

The first half of the class was fairly straight forward; allowing the students to do the movements, postures and vinyasas on our own. The instructor would make minor corrections to individuals if necessary. And then something surprising and unexpected happened.

I felt self conscious.  Even a bit embarrassed.

I go to yoga in Los Angeles all the time and never had these sorts of feelings before. What was different here?

Here’s what I realized:

When I go to a class at home I spend a lot of my time watching the instructor to mirror their movements. I watch and follow outside of myself.  Although I’ve been doing it for a while the “muscle memory” hasn’t fully engaged to allow me to take the flow inward and move from the inside out.

So I wondered aloud, “Have I been able to fully embrace what the practice of yoga is all about?”

The embarrassment came from the realization that I was lost in the flow without watching the instructor. I took it to mean that there’s a correlation between “being outside of myself” and not experiencing every facet of my journey (together with the emerging consciousness and energy) from my core.

Once the awareness settled into both my mind and body I began to connect with some sadness that wanted to be released and moved through. I placed myself in “baby pose” and just rested there to catch my breath and connect to what I was thinking and feeling.  I was deeply crying.

I became aware of the judgment I had about being perfect, having “arrived” and feeling enlightened.  I was in resistance to revealing anything outside of me and my body that would demonstrate that I wasn’t “there”.

True enlightenment has nothing to do with a “picture” of what it looks like. There’s no place to be or to “get to”.

It’s about the honesty of the moment.  Connecting to the truth. Releasing any judgment. Feeling all the feelings (good or bad) that are present.  Practicing self love and self compassion. Loving freely in every moment.

So if my body is my temple (which it is) and by extension my home is my temple (which it also is) then the same sadness must be living in the space I’ve created called home. I brought that awareness back to LA.

I had to effect a SoulSpace intervention; to assess, release and cleanse. It’s an evolutionary process. It never really has an ending because our consciousness never really ends. The television series Lost which recently ended its 6 year run talked about the idea that everyone had a constant. That constant was, quite simply, LOVE. I had to get back to that and work through the fog of doubt that has crept in.

So although I always strive to practice what I preach it took a yoga mat on the other side of the country to reorient me to a greater truth.

I went back to the childhood home that I was so anxious to escape when I was a younger man.

What I found there was a true reminder of home. And love.  For family and self.

More notes from my travels (and a story about the graduation) coming soon.

With love,

XB